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THE LEGEND OF STRAIGHTTALK MCSURGE.
It was a bit surreal watching Mitt Romney and John McCain bickering last night over who has been more steadfast in support of a disastrous war that most Americans oppose and now think was not worth ever starting. (And what better forum than the Ronald Reagan Library for a debate that, at least in regard to Iraq, seemed hermetically sealed off from reality?)
I continue to find it amazing that, having full-throatedly advocated one of the great foreign policy blunders of American history, McCain should continue to tout his "experience" and "judgment." His draping himself in credit for the imagined "success of the surge" is likewise something to behold; He really seems to believe he deserves some sort of leadership medal for having had the gumption to criticize a manifestly failed policy (failed in its implementation, of course, not in its conception), and for coming out early in favor of a new strategy aimed at containing the countless and continuing negative consequences of that policy, and then interpreting that as "success." To illustrate this, I've written a short play.
EXT. George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, and John McCain stand around a broken down car with smoke billowing from under the hood on Highway 40 near Dinosaur, Colorado. Cheney sneers into the distance. Rumsfeld is stabbing at the car with his finger. Bush reads a comic book.MCCAIN: Gentlemen, this car has broken down. In order to achieve our goal of getting to Boston, the car will need a new engine. Also, we'll need to lose some dead weight. Rumsfeld, looks like you're walking.
RUMSFELD: What?
MCCAIN: Listen, I know we all agreed that the best way to get from DC to Boston was over the Rocky Mountains, but the fact is you were doing the driving, and I criticized you for it. You all heard me.
RUMSFELD: That's bogus, man.
CHENEY: You'd better not write a freaking book, Don.
BUSH: Heh, how does Iron Man go to the bathroom?
(Rumsfeld shrugs and walks a few steps to a waiting corporate limo, which whisks him away.)
MCCAIN: Here come some mechanics to put a new engine in the car.
(Later)
MCCAIN: There, the car has a new engine. Gentlemen, the strategy has succeeded!
MEDIA: (rolling up in a VW bus): But the new engine was only part of the plan. You're nowhere near Boston. In fact, the car seems to be rolling in the opposite direction ...
CHENEY: Why do you hate this car so much, Saddamalqaeda?
MEDIA: What? But--
MCCAIN: I repeat, the installation of the new engine was successful. And I supported it. You all heard me. Make me your leader.
MEDIA: Well, it is true, he did support putting a new engine in. And the straightness of his talk is straight, indeed. You know, if you squint your eyes and tilt your head just so, these barren foothills do start to look kind of like Boston.
MCCAIN: Right! Now who wants to watch a game with me at Fenway Canyon?
fin
--Matthew Duss
COMMENTS (9)
It was a bit surreal watching Mitt Romney and John McCain bickering last night over who has been more steadfast in support of a disastrous war that most Americans oppose and now think was not worth ever starting.
I guess that's why it's the number one issue for the presidential candidates......oh, that's right...it's NOT!
Anyway, I prefer the food fight the Dems have launched with all of the racism and code language. The irony is that this comes from the party of tolerance.
Posted by: El Viajero | January 31, 2008 5:57 PM
Yes, the number one issue is the economy...where McCain has admitted he doesn't know jack shit.
It'll be amazing however to see how McCain leverages his biography (and perhaps Clinton's) into a close campaign.
Posted by: Josh R. | January 31, 2008 6:10 PM
HAHAHA you just made my day.
Posted by: greg | January 31, 2008 6:43 PM
Why do you hate America, Matt?
Posted by: Mike | January 31, 2008 7:50 PM
Iron Man is a drunk... are you using code language for Bush falling off the wagon?
Posted by: Redbeard | January 31, 2008 10:16 PM
Iron Man is a comic book character? I thought we were talking about the Sabbath tune...
No "heavy boots of lead" jokes to be made here, I suppose...
Posted by: d | January 31, 2008 10:58 PM
I don't understand why the GOP is prepared to support a man whose claim to fame is support for a war most oppose.
You really have to wonder what effect his captivity had to do with his pathalogical need for revenge.
Posted by: Where's Sally? | February 1, 2008 10:40 AM
Where's Sally?:
You're overlooking the fact the GOP actually thinks the past 7 years have been an unending string of successes, except for, maybe, a brief 6 month period in Iraq. But then Rummy was fired, serious people distanced themselves, and everything is a-ok again.
Posted by: Dave3544 | February 1, 2008 2:25 PM
They are coming out with the new "Iron Man" movie pretty soon- yes, the theme is the old Sabbath tune, and yes, Tony Stark/Ironman, is a white-knuckle drunk and creepy arms merchant.
In this version of the tale, he gets kidnapped while on a business trip to someplace afghanistanish, taken to a cave and told at AK point to assemble a missile. Instead, he puts together his ironman outfit.
Looks pretty good.
Posted by: Indy | February 3, 2008 4:10 PM